Backwards

What is your greatest regret? Awww, come' on...everyone has one or two or a thousand. 'Fess up.

Mine would have to be college. Or, more specifically not going to college.

Oh sure, I could go back now but it's really not the same from what I hear. I mean I should have gone while I was still single, child-free and before my 'life' got started.

Looking back, I don't remember specifically why I didn't go after graduating. That summer I had spent in Europe with Meanie but we were back in the states by the fall, which was plenty of time to start. My mother had just got remarried to her 3rd husband (3rd husband, but 2nd man considering she married & divorced my dad twice) and I was uncomfortable living back at home with them. We got into it about something one day so I moved out & in with Dad. But Dad lived with his girlfriend and her 2 kids and even though we all got along fine, it was still too crowded. Finally after many months Meanie got a little singlewide in town and I moved in with her.

Still, I did not start college. I don't remember even being remotely interested in going. Probably because of not having money to pay for it. Now I know I could have gotten grants and student loans and all those wonderful debts, but really...what in the hell does a 19 year old know? Lemme tell ya...NADA. You couldn't tell me nothing at the time, about the importance of college and the impact it would have on my financial future.

Seems all I was concerned with at the time was getting a lame job and partying with my friends. Which of course now I realize I could have been doing while I went to school. But I didn't. And I think also in the back of my head I was rationalizing that I was going to get married soon and have someone else take care of me.

Yeah, stupid.

Where did I get this retarded idea? Certainly not my parents. Did I mention that they are both college graduates? Mom's got her freak'n Masters Degree. And yet not one of her children has went farther than high school. Oh sure, both Queenie and Meanie made attempts to go to college, but they both dropped out.

But I didn't even attempt to go. Instead I partied a year and half with my friends while working in a women's retail clothing store in the Mall. Remember the clothing stores called Jean Nicole? Marianne's? Stuarts? Yeah, I worked for them. And I liked the job and found I was good at it, but it paid nothing and demanded 45+ hours a week and I was only the assistant manager.

Still, even this didn't spur me on to see the bigger picture. All those corny cliche commercials are true: college grads do earn more. Now, I feel it's too late.

Regret. It's my own four-letter word.