I Told You So Continues....

This is continued from yesterday's post...

Before Beloved left he managed to tell me he'd only texted Kara and spoke to her on the phone, but had never met her. This had been going on for a week. He'd met her online he said, in some chat room while he was at work. He also admitted he had been visiting chat rooms for months.

Just when I thought I couldn't become more surprised or amazed at the person I loved and thought I knew standing in front of me - BAM! Since he had no Internet connection at home, he had made the time to go check out some chat rooms at work. Everyday at work we both log into Yahoo messenger and chat away to each other all day long. In my head I imagined my message box on his computer screen along with 2 or 3 boxes at the same time as he chatted away with other women as well as myself.

I asked him why he had felt the need to go to chat rooms to begin with. Why? It seemed like a simple question. He said that he had been looking for another girl for a threesome for us.

Wait. Did you catch that? I'll let it sink in. Yes, that is really what he told me. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

It's no secret we're both pretty open sexually and getting with another girl has been something I have always wanted to do. But here's what you didn't know: remember Beloved's diverticulitis? How he stayed in the hospital for an entire week and how tender and sore his stomach was afterward? And how at that point in our relationship we hadn't had sex in an ENTIRE MONTH? Yeah, I thought you had forgotten.

Well, I hadn't. When he told me that bullshit about a threesome I just looked at him and said something to the effect of 'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?'

I guess I could have handled it better if he'd said he was bored with me. Or bored with our sex life. Or he just didn't find me attractive anymore. Or, more accurately, that he was just a whoring skirt chaser. But please don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.

Here's another gem you didn't know that also plays into this story. Nearly a year ago I added Beloved on my Verizon plan as a second line and he's paid me each month for his share of the bill. By doing this it also allows me to see every phone number he calls and every text he sends/receives (I have online billing, and no, he doesn't have access to it). We did this because at the time we were calling/texting each other constantly and it was getting expensive considering we had 2 different cell phone plans/companies.

So as I sat there on the couch I figured I'd use I-can-access-all-your-call/text history-so-I'll-be-able-see-everything card now and I asked Beloved if Kara had been the only one he'd ever called or texted from the chat rooms. I told him he'd better come clean now because I was ordering a transcript of the text messages from Verizon tomorrow and I'd know exactly how many women and what was said.

He admitted then and there that there had been others. He had called or texted them as well but never met them in person, either. That every time they'd pushed to meet he had chickened out. So much for the threesome lie, huh? When he told me that, it was obvious to me none of these girls were propositioned for a threesome. The reality was he was merely dating online.

Did I believe him when he said he never met them? No, I do not. But more on that later..

For the time being, I was done talking. I told him to leave.

When Beloved left that night he had to walk two miles home. Why? A few weeks before he had wrecked his truck and while the insurance company was dicking around he still had no vehicle. He had been riding to work with his best friend and since I work only 2 miles from him, I had been picking him up from there when his best friend couldn't, or he had borrowed his mom's car when she was out of town. Since we were planning to drive together to my nephew's birthday party Saturday I had picked him up from his house after work that night and brought him to my apartment, hence him having no vehicle. Of course, in light of our little conversation I sure as hell wasn't worried about his transportation home at nearly midnight when he left. Fuck him. If he had to walk I didn't care.

After he left I remember sitting there on the couch trying to make sense of what just happened. My thought process went something like this: Had I not been a good enough girlfriend? What had I done to make him stray? Wasn't I pretty enough? Good enough in bed? Was Wicked somewhere laughing her ass off saying , 'I TOLD YOU SO!' Pretty pathetic thoughts, I know. When I should have chucked his sorry ass to the curb for his poor judgment, I was blaming myself for something that wasn't even my problem.

I had my pity party for all of about 5 minutes then I went into action.

Beloved and I were practically living together up to that point. He was only staying at his house when he had his girls so the majority of his clothes were hanging in my closet and occupying space in two of my dresser drawers (did I mention I had been doing his laundry, too?). All his shoes were here, plus a bunch of toiletry items in the bathroom. He had brought over his collection of baseball cards (well over a thousand of them in various boxes) and we had started to sort them out in the past several months.

Like a mad woman I grabbed an empty cardboard box and started packing everything. On my bathroom mirror Beloved had written me love notes (like 'I love you' and 'You're my everything' and 'I'm lost without you') on Post-Its that I had collected and stuck there. There were probably 25 of them or more. I didn't tear them up but plucked each one off the mirror with a vehement zeal and stuck them in the box. I did the same thing with birthday/anniversary cards at my night stand, pictures of the two of us and the like.

Yes, I felt like the Grinch. The Grinch who Stole and Boxed Up this Relationship.

When the box got too heavy I grabbed two garbage bags and stuffed them full as well. In between this I called Queenie and woke her from what sounded like a sound sleep (it was almost one in the morning by then) and through my crying told her she needed to get here now. She never hesitated or questioned, she just got in her car and drove.