Exhale

I survived another end of the month at my job.

Applause please.

Yah me!

Actually this month wasn't too bad. But I am having a hard time finding a moment just to sit down and collect my thoughts, iron them out and write them down. Tonight Beloved has his girls for his weekly overnight and now it's 11:00pm and this is the first opportunity I've found to breathe.

*Inhales*

I thought by this time Beloved would be divorced and we would be moved in together. Instead, today I signed another year on the lease for my apartment.

A year ago he told me he wanted to get married and have a baby together. Now he's unsure. Now he wants to wait and get his life in order before taking those huge steps.

I believed for a long time I never wanted to get remarried or have any more kids. Then I found him and he said he wanted those things so I started to want those things. How do I undo that?

Oh, I got a new phone. My co-worker gave showed me this website where you can download cool songs for free. Yeah, FREE. Cool songs. Weird songs. Funny stuff. This is the first time I have ever downloaded a ringtone to my phone. I know, I am a geek.

Meanie pissed me off recently. I told her something in confidence, telling her specifically not to tell our mother and the very next day she blabs her mouth to her anyway. I called her out on it the next day and she didn't even act sorry. In fact, she hung up on me. Aarrgggghhhh!

Cherished wants to transfer to the middle school where Princess will be going in the fall and I can't let him do it because there will be no bus service to bring him home in the afternoon. I am heartbroken and torn because I would like them to go to the same school. But we live outside the district and I can't go and pick him up in the middle of the afternoon to take him to a babysitter. He turns 12 this year and I wanted to save money on having to pay a babysitter at all and just let him come home and be alone for a few hours before I got home from work. The entire situation just sucks all around.

Queenie got to talk to her two boys Geeky and Squeaky the other day on the phone and they were hateful and mean to her. She's going back to court anyway (again) to try to salvage the relationship as best she can. Geeky graduates high school in June and has already joined the Navy. I don't understand Queenie's actions by I respect them just the same. This is going to be another emotional roller coaster for her.

Worthless is out of jail. According to Susan, my Child Support Enforcement case worker, he has the month of May to make child support payments to me or he's going to be indicted in front of the grand jury by the first of June. I struggled with what to do with this tidbit of information for days. Finally I told his parents (because I knew he wouldn't want to talk to me if I tried to call him directly) knowing that they would tell him. No, I do not want to see Worthless rot in jail for months and months. I figured if I gave him a 'heads up' it might motivate him. Pious (Worthless's mother) said something in this phone conversation that pissed me off to no end. She says it will be hard for Worthless to make any payment this month since he just got out of jail and this rain makes his landscaping job even more unreliable for a paycheck and if I'd just accept less in a child support payment (as in, get the monthly amount lowered) then he could afford to pay it at all. Whoa. The child support amount has not changed in EIGHT YEARS. No increases of any kind. I pointed out to her if that's the case, then instead of asking me to accept less money, why don't we ask Worthless to get another FUCKING JOB. And her reply? 'Well, you know he won't do that.' Ok, then he and his pride will rot in jail. Worthless bastard. I don't know what pisses me off more: him not paying, or Pious making excuses for him.

On a lighter note, one of the all-time funniest posts from one of my favorite bloggers, Mist 1 is posted here. I read her blog daily and would post a comment, save for the fact she has a large fan base and at least 60 comments for each post, and I figure she stops reading the comments after the first 10.

Ok, I feel better now.

*Exhales*